Narcissism: Myths, Labels, and the Most Common Mistake

The word "narcissist" is everywhere today. The moment someone smiles confidently, takes initiative, or speaks up, the label gets applied. Dr. Saulitis considers this a serious mistake — one that harms those who are unfairly branded and those who use the term to explain difficulties in their relationships.

Myth one: being visible and assertive equals narcissism

Being outgoing, proactive, willing to speak and present yourself is normal and healthy. When any lively, energetic person is automatically called a narcissist, the concept loses all meaning. As the doctor puts it plainly: "Be narcissists — perform, do things, show yourself, be proactive. Yes, it is normal, it is necessary." This is healthy vitality, not a disorder.

Myth two: the Freudian definition as a universal standard

Popular conversations about "relationships with a narcissist" often blur important distinctions. The classical psychoanalytic definition of narcissism is narrow and specific; applying it to anyone who seeks attention or recognition is a misuse of the term. Dr. Saulitis calls this kind of sweeping interpretation "complete nonsense."

The most common mistake in relationships: hunting for a "narcissist" instead of observing real behaviour

When a partner starts looking for a "narcissist" using a checklist from the internet, they tend to fit a living person into a pre-made template. This blocks an honest assessment of what is actually happening and closes the door to real conversation or resolution. Another person's confidence and visibility is not a diagnosis, and not a threat.

What matters

The label "narcissist" has become too easy a way to explain any discomfort in a relationship. Before attaching it to a partner — or to yourself — it is worth asking: is this about specific, observable behaviour, or simply about the fact that the other person takes up space and is clearly present?