Codependency: Myths and Common Misconceptions

Codependency is often explained in moral terms — as weakness of will, selfishness, or simply "bad upbringing." Dr. Saулitis shows that behind this phenomenon lies a neurobiological mechanism, and it is the failure to understand this mechanism that generates the most common mistakes.

Myth one: "It's just a habit — willpower is enough to change it"

The brain does not work like an archive. It works like a film projector: every time we encounter a situation, it creates a new "film" — based on neural pathways already grown through experience. If those pathways were shaped in an environment of strong outside influence, the brain will keep showing the same film, over and over. Simply "wanting" a different film is not enough. What matters is understanding which neural patterns are producing it.

Myth two: "Codependency is a relationship problem, not a state of consciousness"

The key mistake is looking for the cause only outside — in the partner, the family, the circumstances. Dr. Saulitis emphasises: codependency is, first and foremost, a state of consciousness. One brain is capable of influencing the actions of another — through a mechanism similar to hypnosis. When that influence lasts long enough, it stops feeling external: the person accepts another's "picture" as their own reality.

Myth three: "Past environment has nothing to do with it"

Neural connections grow under the influence of environment, information, and experience — from childhood onward. School, family, and media all form conditioned reflexes: the habit of compliance, of not making independent decisions, of not recognising one's own reactions. This is precisely what makes a person vulnerable to outside influence. Ignoring these roots means treating the symptom, not the cause.

What to understand instead

What a person sees, thinks, and feels is not determined by abstract "psychology" — it is determined by a specific pattern of neural connections, shaped by the information a person receives and the environment they live in. Recognising this mechanism is the first step toward changing it. The question of "which wolf you feed" is not a metaphor about willpower — it is a question about which neural pathways you strengthen every day.