Anger & Irritability: First Steps When You're Stuck in a Reactive State

When irritability, anxiety and sudden outbursts pile up, a person ends up in what the doctor calls a "reactive state": you're exhausted, everything slips from your hands, and any action taken from this state only reproduces the same reaction again. That's why the first step is not to solve big problems or keep "leaving and coming back," but to take care of yourself and carefully climb out — "little by little, little by little, little by little."

First, step out of the reactive state

In a reactive state you cannot make decisions — there will be "another one just like it, 1000 percent." First you need to change your inner state, and only from there "drift along through life." The doctor describes a simple switch through the eyes: when you begin to see beauty — the sun, flowers — "the reactive program shuts off" and the "cortex of joy" turns on. Only then "the solution itself arrives," because you first have to reach the right state, then act.

Homeostasis and lifestyle — the foundation

The doctor reduces the first practical steps to simple things on which his whole approach rests. It's food, sleep, walks — "these three things." He suggests doing a review: look at what you eat, how you sleep, whether you get enough walks and contrast showers. These are not trifles: lifestyle and homeostasis are exactly where recovery begins, before considering anything more subtle.

Measure, don't guess

A key idea of the doctor's: "you need to measure and then look at what I'm doing." If improvements come in bursts, it means the process is going "by hand" — at random. Instead, observe: what improves your state, what doesn't. If possible, use devices — a watch, pulse, walks — and see how you feel. This is how a manageable picture emerges out of the chaos of reactions.

Your health is your task

The doctor stresses responsibility: "your health is your task." This isn't about blaming yourself — it's about not shifting the load. If your irritation is aimed at someone who doesn't want to change, it's important to understand: you won't change them, and "moving a healthy head onto a sick one" is useless. The energy should be returned to yourself: "you simply need to dampen it, let it go, and start working on yourself."

Disidentifying from thoughts

The doctor notes that without working on thoughts, irritability and intrusive thinking "can't be defeated." Any harsh judgment — over- or under-valuing yourself or the situation — is part of the problem. So to the bodily steps he adds "disidentification": the ability not to merge with the stream of anxious and irritated thoughts, but to see them from the outside.

Practice: first steps during irritability flare-ups

1. Shift your gaze. Lift your eyes from the "dry crusts of daily routine" — find beauty: the sun, flowers, something alive. Let the "reactive program" switch off before deciding anything.
2. Take inventory. Honestly check three things: food, sleep, walks. Where's the gap?
3. Measure. Track (a watch/pulse can help) what improves your state and what doesn't.
4. Return the focus to yourself. Stop "leaving and coming back" around someone else's behavior — take on your own health as your task.
5. Don't act from reactivity. State first — decisions later.