Perfectionism: First Steps from "Do It Perfectly" to the Process

When someone writes "my whole personality is built on perfectionism, and if something doesn't go to plan there's terrible chaos inside me," it matters to see what we are actually dealing with. The doctor is blunt: this is not a separate "personality trait" but at its root a compulsive act — and working with it takes real effort.

Perfectionism as a ritual

The doctor calls perfectionism a superstition and a ritual. The hidden logic: if you arrange everything "this way, and this way, and this way," your mind produces a feeling of guarantee — as if you were buying yourself insurance that nothing will happen to you. But it's an illusion: perfect arranging has nothing to do with real safety. You can be a non-perfectionist too — and nothing will happen to you either.

Why it isn't just a "trait"

The doctor is honest: the very word "perfectionism" is one of those mainstream terms that are too subjective and don't belong to classical psychiatry. What stands behind it is that same compulsive action. That's why the work is "fairly large" — it's not a matter of attitude, but a root that holds the whole structure of behavior in place.

The key shift: from result to process

The doctor's central idea: in perfectionism you are chained to the result as the goal. The first step is to step away from it. Not to slide into chaos, but to stop measuring yourself only by the outcome and to bring attention back to the process itself — "like the way we're communicating now and savoring the process." When you step away from the goal-as-result, paradoxically you still move toward a result, but now without the suffocating ritual.

When the urge to "make it perfect" arises

Perfectionism works through an urge: a desire arises to do it "on perfect." In that moment the doctor advises stepping away from the thoughts, away from the perfectionism itself. This isn't a one-time decision but a trainable skill: notice the urge — and don't follow it automatically.

Practice

1. Catch the moment when the urge "it must be done perfectly" appears inside — this is the compulsive signal.
2. Remind yourself: perfection is a ritual-"insurance," not a real guarantee. Nothing happens to you without it either.
3. Deliberately step away from the goal-as-result: ask yourself "what is the process itself right now?"
4. Return attention to the process — "savor" it as a living action, not as an exam on the outcome.
5. If these steps don't stop it and the inner chaos is too strong — that's a signal to see a psychiatrist, not to stay alone with it.