Loneliness: First Steps — Restore the Body First, Everything Else Later

When someone is exhausted and emptied out, the common mistake is to try to "fix life" all at once — build connections, take on tasks, sort everything in one push. But if your basic system is depleted, that push won't work. Dr. Saulitis proposes the reverse logic: first let what's inside recover, and only then bring in the external.

At the core is a simple idea. Our mood, energy and ability to function normally rest on the work of neurons — "little living creatures." When they've been driven too hard for too long without rest, they stop coping, and then "the brain crashes." Loneliness cuts both ways here: it drains you, and it can also be the result of depletion, when there's simply no strength left for people.

Step one: do nothing

It sounds paradoxical, but the first step is to allow yourself a pause. Don't load yourself with new tasks, don't demand instant results. The doctor is honest about the timeline: this phase takes "about three to four months, no less." This isn't laziness — it's the time it takes just to begin to understand what's actually happening.

"Your first step will be to do nothing at all. It takes about three to four months, no less."

Step two: restore the "body"

Next comes physical recovery. Neurons need conditions to come back to life: feed them, let them rest, clear out the accumulated waste. So proper nutrition and sleep matter. Sleep must be ideal — it's during sleep that neurons "solve all their internal problems." You need oxygen — hence walks. And, essentially, contact with good people and good music: all of it "lets the neurons come alive."

This is also the key to stepping out of loneliness: don't storm a wide social circle at once, but add exactly those people around whom your neurons feel better, not worse. Even close ones can be "toxic agents" when they overload you.

Step three: bring in the mind

Only when the body has recovered and "the head starts working" does the doctor suggest engaging the third phase — making sense of yourself and your situation. Before that point, demanding clear decisions from yourself is pointless: a tired brain can't "figure out what two plus two is."

Step four: external change comes later

And only after a long recovery (the doctor gives a rough marker of "after a year and a half") does it make sense to seriously consider big changes in outer life. The main mistake is, the moment you feel relief, to pile the load back on immediately. On the contrary: "I gradually take the load off."

Practice: a checklist of first steps

1. Allow yourself a pause. Drop the demand to "fix everything now" — give yourself time to simply recover.
2. Fix your sleep. Make it a priority: it's during sleep that neurons restore themselves.
3. Feed and air out your brain. Regular nutrition and daily walks outdoors.
4. Add "reviving" people and music. A little at a time — one or two people who make things easier, not harder.
5. Remove the toxic. Notice what (and who) overloads you, and reduce that influence.

Big decisions come later. The base comes first.