Why People Hurt Themselves: The Method on Pain and Self-Judgment

Self-harm is acute pain, and behind it there is almost always the feeling that “something is wrong with me.” Dr. Saulitis’s method invites a different view: not “low self-esteem” to be tuned up, but the trap of self-judgment itself. This text is not a diagnosis or a replacement for help — it is an attempt to offer support and hope.

The Self-Esteem Trap

In a hard state, people are usually urged to “raise their self-esteem” or, on the contrary, to bring it down somehow. The doctor warns: this goes in circles — today the effect is one thing, tomorrow another, and self-esteem swings along with it. In depression this swinging is especially dangerous, because any drop is felt as a verdict on yourself.

“People simply go crazy over this self-esteem.”

The method offers a way out of the circle: not to rate yourself higher or lower, but to stop measuring yourself by ratings at all.

You Didn’t Make Yourself

The method rests on a simple observation: you didn’t choose your genes, and your neuroplasticity formed without your involvement. So the whole “image of yourself” is not you — it’s a body of information, concepts and judgments placed into you.

“I didn’t make myself.”

Hence a conclusion that matters especially in self-harm: guilt over how you “turned out,” and shame over “not matching up,” is delusion you don’t have to believe. Wounding thoughts about yourself are only thoughts — “not the real me in this moment.” You can use them, or you can choose not to.

Not Judgment, but Measurement

The doctor honestly says that when asked about his self-esteem he answers: I don’t know who I am, I exist in a single copy, and there is no one to compare me with. Instead of judgment, he offers measurement.

“I have no such rating at all — here it’s simply measurement.”

The difference is huge. Judgment splits you into “good” and “bad” and strikes the whole person. Measurement looks at one concrete detail: does it suit me or not, does it give me strength and energy — or send me down? A potato at the warehouse isn’t condemned for being small — it’s just placed in the right bin. Same with yourself: not “I’m bad,” but “this specific thing doesn’t suit me right now.”

Focus as Protection

The most dangerous judgments enter through empty space in your mind. When you are one hundred percent concentrated on a concrete action “here and now,” those judgments and verdicts simply have nowhere to enter.

“When you fully focus attention on the action, these judgments have no place to enter your consciousness.”

It’s also worth remembering the bodily side: the ability to think clearly is affected by many things — from the thyroid and missing elements to the overall state of the brain. When the brain is “not so charged,” it builds reality worse, and dark judgments sound louder. That’s one more reason not to believe them blindly, and to seek help.

Practice

1. Name the thought a thought. When “I’m bad / I’m guilty” arrives, tell yourself: this is a concept, placed-in information, “not me in this moment.”
2. Shift from judgment to measurement. Instead of “what am I,” ask: does this specific action/event give me strength — or send me down?
3. Narrow down to a detail. Take one small detail right now (your breath, an object, a sound) and focus on it one hundred percent.
4. Drop comparison. Remind yourself: you exist in a single copy; there is no one to compare with.
5. Don’t stay alone. Tell a close person or a specialist about the pain — that’s not weakness, it’s a sensible step.

Where to get help

If the state is acute, there are thoughts of harming yourself, or you feel no ground under your feet — reach out immediately: to a specialist or an emergency helpline. In Russia, the unified number is 112. Support from loved ones and a professional is not “failure” — it’s part of recovery. A drop wears away stone — change is possible.