Self-Harm: Myths That Get in the Way of Getting Help

Self-harm is surrounded by silence and misunderstanding. It is myths — not ill intent — that most often prevent a person from reaching out to a specialist and receiving real support in time.

Myth 1: "It's just attention-seeking"

This is one of the most damaging stereotypes. When loved ones — or the person themselves — think this way, genuine suffering goes unrecognised. Behind the behaviour there is a real inner reality: feelings of emptiness, the question "why am I alive?", unbearable inner pain. Dr. Saulitis is direct about this: such experiences are an illness, with a capital I. They cannot be ignored or dismissed.

Myth 2: "They can handle it — just pull yourself together"

This places blame on a person for something they genuinely cannot manage alone. Recognising that help is needed is not weakness — it is the first step toward recovery. "Help is impossible without responsibility" — but taking responsibility does not mean coping alone. It means acknowledging: I am the author of my own life, and I can take one small step — and walk through a doctor's door.

Myth 3: "Nothing will change — it will always be like this"

The brain is capable of change. When a person begins to act from where they are right now, something the doctor describes as a "pattern break" can occur: a different reality, a different path begins to form. It is neither quick nor easy — but it is possible. Untreated psychological trauma becomes chronic — which is precisely why seeking help early matters.

Common mistakes made by loved ones

Those close to someone who self-harms often either minimise ("stop feeling sorry for yourself") or panic and avoid the subject entirely. Both responses isolate the person further. What matters most is not judgement, but presence — and helping them find professional support. The support of loved ones and professional care work together, not instead of each other.

Where to get help

If you or someone close to you is experiencing an acute crisis — do not wait. Reach out to a psychiatrist or psychotherapist. In an emergency, call crisis or emergency services immediately: in Russia, dial 112. The first step is the most important one.