Supporting a Loved One Through a Breakup: How to Be an Anchor Without Breaking Down

When someone close to you is going through a breakup or divorce, the impulse to help can quickly run into confusion: what actually helps, and what makes things worse? Dr. Saulitis is clear: recovering from serious heartbreak is a marathon, not a sprint — and the role of those around is to create conditions for the person to keep moving.

Let Them Talk — and Don't Rush Them

One of the most valuable things you can offer is simply to listen. If the person has opened up to you and said they feel lighter for it, that is already therapeutic. There is no need to chase quick fixes or redirect their attention before they are ready. The trust they placed in you matters more than any advice.

Structure and Activity Beat Sympathy Alone

Days spent circling the same painful thoughts from morning to night only deepen the suffering. Help establish a rhythm: a consistent wake time, regular meals, physical activity, or any task that demands real engagement. The more a person is absorbed in concrete action, the less room there is for rumination. This is not distraction for its own sake — it is a physiological need.

Nurture What They Enjoy

If your loved one has a hobby or interest that brings them genuine pleasure, encourage it — make time and space for it. As Dr. Saulitis puts it, when there is something a person enjoys, you should "fan the flames of that activity." It is through interest and engagement that a person gradually reclaims a sense of meaning.

What Not to Do

Don't push "pull yourself together" or dismiss their feelings. Don't fill every silence with advice. Keep in mind that the acute phase after a serious separation can last much longer than it looks from the outside. Your role is to be consistently present — not to push someone out of pain in a single conversation. If their condition does not improve or gets worse, that is a signal to seek professional support.