“The Mother Is Hysterical”: Why a Label Blocks Understanding What’s Happening to the Children

When a parent arrives with a ready-made label — “the mother is hysterical,” “she induces the children” — the method does not rush to agree. The doctor honestly admits that this is where he “glitches”: it isn’t clear what is actually going on. This brochure is about why, behind a quick accusation, the method sees not a diagnosis but a lack of facts — and how to look at a family from all sides.

A Label Is Not a Diagnosis

“The mother is hysterical” is a judgment, not a description. From it you cannot understand what the mother actually does, what the children do, or what the father himself does. The doctor flatly refuses to diagnose from someone else’s words:

“You cannot write ‘the mother is hysterical.’ You must write: the mother of my children does this and that, and the children do this and that, and I see this and that here and there.”

Only when behavior is laid out concretely can we begin to understand who influences the situation, and how.

Looking From All Sides

The method assumes that everyone in the family picture takes part, and each one contributes. So the question “how exactly does she induce the children?” is not an accusation but a demand for detail. Perhaps what looks like “hysteria” is the normal reaction of a tired, burned-out person.

“Maybe she’s exhausted, burned out, not sleeping enough — in short, we need to understand how she induces.”

“We Are All Sick, Just to Different Degrees”

A key stance of the method: don’t look for a single “guilty party.” The doctor notes that the questioner himself shows “some reactivity.” This is not a reproach but a reminder: the family is a system, and the behavior of the children and the mother always mirrors something in the father too.

“Who is sick there — that I’m sick is clear, but we’ll see who else is sick. Usually we are all sick, just to different degrees.”

A Strange Configuration of Relationships

The method pays attention to the very structure of the bonds: the man is the father of these children, but not the husband of their mother. This unusual configuration in itself creates tension and confusion of roles — and it cannot be skipped over by explaining the children’s behavior through the mother’s “hysteria” alone.

Practice: How to Describe a Family Situation So It Can Be Examined

1. Drop the labels. Instead of “hysterical” or “crazy,” describe the concrete behavior: what the person did, said, and at what moment.
2. Describe each participant in turn: what the mother does, what the children do (give their ages), what you yourself do.
3. State the structure: who is who to whom, who lives with whom, for how long.
4. Ask yourself about the mother’s context: fatigue, lack of sleep, burnout — what might have triggered the reaction.
5. Honestly note your own reactivity: where you yourself get worked up and overreact.

Write in detail and concretely — then the situation “can properly be examined and understood.”