Family Roles: Myths and Traps That Distort Our Vision

The family picture we grow up with feels solid and self-evident — "that's just how we do things," "these relationships matter most." Yet that very picture is where the traps tend to hide.

Myth 1: You can easily tell which relationships are worth having

Relationships fall into three kinds: valuable, neutral, and destructive. The paradox is that people routinely pour time, energy, and emotion into the ones that give nothing back. Nobody simply told them they didn't have to — and so they keep investing their resources into a void.

Myth 2: Toxic relationships always feel bad

This is one of the most dangerous assumptions. A person raised with a particular value system — instilled by family, environment, or absorbed social scripts — may build precisely toxic relationships and still feel comfortable and certain within them. They work hard to maintain those relationships and consider them the most important ones in their life. Without adequate psychological health, recognising this trap from the inside is nearly impossible.

Myth 3: The right technique or method will fix everything

Attempting motivational techniques, visualisations, or any form of self-improvement work on top of an unrecognised mental health issue doesn't help — it reinforces unhealthy goals. What's needed first is a clear mind: a troubled mind cannot set healthy goals.

Where to begin

The first step is not finding the "right role" but making an honest assessment: where is your resource actually going, and what are you getting in return? Family relationships — between parents and children, across generations — can shift, deteriorate, and become impossible. That is neither a verdict nor a disaster. It is simply something that becomes visible once you stop looking through illusions.