Supporting a Loved One: Facing Reality Without Being Consumed by It

When someone close to us is going through a mental disorder, those around them are often overwhelmed by anxiety and the feeling that something completely unprecedented is happening. Dr. Saulitis offers a different starting point: a sober, factual look at the situation.

Illness Is Part of Life, Not a Catastrophe

Mental disorders appear in every generation and every family. There is no such thing as a life lived entirely free of illness — one's own or someone else's. Accepting this is not resignation. It means stopping the drain of energy on the question "why us?" and redirecting it where it can actually make a difference.

The Line Between Normal and Pathological: What Matters

In a healthy person, anxious thoughts come and go — much like a heart rate that rises during exercise and returns to baseline at rest. In pathology, that return does not happen: thoughts do not come back to normal; they escalate, spiral, and begin to feel qualitatively different. It is important for loved ones to understand: the person next to them is not "making it up" or "refusing to pull themselves together" — the self-regulation mechanism itself is disrupted.

How to Support: Without Self-Sacrifice, But Without Detachment Either

Dr. Saulitis highlights the trap of self-sacrifice: when a loved one takes on the role of "rescuer," they burn out quickly and inadvertently pass their own anxiety on to the very person they want to help. A more effective approach:

• Look at the facts. What is actually happening right now? What is already being done — by the doctor, by the person themselves, by the family?
• Don't amplify anxiety. Statements like "this has never happened before" or "this is terrible" are not helpful — they feed the sense of catastrophe.
• Stay grounded. Your calm is not indifference — it is a resource. The person beside you can feel when the support beneath them is solid.
• Rely on a professional. A loved one does not need to understand diagnoses or treatments. Their role is presence and stability, not medical expertise.

Acceptance Is Not Passivity

Accepting the situation as real means beginning to act within it effectively. When loved ones stop fighting the bare fact of illness and start working with what can actually be changed, "everything falls into place" for the whole family.