Supporting a Loved One: How to Stay Grounded While Helping

Supporting a loved one through mental illness is one of the most demanding things a person can do. It calls for patience — and for a very particular way of seeing what is happening.

Illness, Not Character

The single most important thing that keeps caregivers from breaking down is this: the behaviour that frightens or hurts you is a symptom of illness, not the essence of the person. Dr. Saулitis stresses that as long as you can still see a *sick human being* in front of you — rather than a label — your own mental health remains intact. The moment that person becomes only a category — "hopeless case," "monster" — you lose your inner anchor.

Compassion Is Not Weakness

Our culture often reads empathy and emotional openness as weakness. In reality, the capacity to feel with another person is one of the hallmarks of mental health. Loved ones need to give themselves permission to feel compassion — while still maintaining a boundary: compassion does not mean accepting destructive behaviour.

The "Us vs. Them" Trap

When a loved one's behaviour feels unbearable, it is easy to slip into the logic of "they are no longer one of us." This, Dr. Saулitis warns, is exactly when the internal fracture begins. Any family, group, or society that entertains the idea that a person can be written off for the sake of some higher value risks sliding into a kind of collective psychosis. Holding onto the image of a person — even a severely ill one — is the core practice of mental hygiene for those who stand alongside them.

What Actually Helps

• Learn about the illness — understanding reduces fear and anger.
• Protect your own resources — caregiving is exhausting, and that is normal.
• Don't go it alone — seek professional support for yourself, not only for your loved one.
• Remember: illness often prevents the person from seeking help themselves — which is precisely why the initiative usually has to come from those around them.