Love Addiction: First Steps Toward a State of Fullness

Love addiction keeps a person living inside someone else's "television" — ruled by judgments, resentment, and attempts to remake the other person. The doctor approaches this without drama: as a neurosis that calls not for struggle but for calm and a clear sequence of steps. The key insight is that love cannot be seized by force — it ignites from within, once disorders have been cleared away.

First — free yourself from disorders

The doctor describes love not as a feeling toward a specific person, but as a state of fullness that switches on only on cleared ground. While there are many disorders inside, any attempt to obtain love yields a substitute — a "rubber doll," as he puts it: technically it works, but it's artificial. So the first step is not to hunt for an object, but to free yourself from what stops you from burning on your own.

"Gradually free yourself from these mental disorders, and then suddenly you reach that state of fullness — love."

Recognize judgment and resentment

The doctor points directly: the problem often lies where judgment operates. "He used you for something" is already stepping into the victim's role, and that's not what his channel is about. Resentment here is a reason to laugh, not a tragedy: a person can get tired, but to take "offense" at someone simply being who they are is illogical.

"He has his own television in his head, he does his thing — that's your life. Give people peace, let them be what they are."

Reclaim your personal space and stay out of others'

A separate step is to stop intruding into others' private space and to stop handing over your own. People around you were also "created," and they didn't choose how they were born. Don't like it — go where you do; can't leave — then think. This dispels the illusion that someone is "ruining your life."

Build the skill of happiness

Love, per the doctor, requires clear, precise psychotherapy and the skill of happiness — without it a person is like a car that won't move. Then the state must be sustained: once you ignite, go upward — improved a little, move; improved again, take another step. The psychiatrist is both the instrument and the one reading the instruments: "you have to burn yourself."

Practice: first steps

1. Catch the judgment — the phrase "he/she should have…" and the resentment that another is simply who they are.
2. Take responsibility back: "this is my life, my television" — not someone's debt to you.
3. Give yourself peace: take a walk, sleep well, stop chasing the person.
4. Examine yourself — study your own state to see what stops you from "burning."
5. Move in small steps upward: improved your state — move on to the next.