Jealousy: Normal Emotion, Warning Sign, or Red Flag

Jealousy is not an innate feeling: up to the age of two, a child has no concept of it at all. It emerges alongside the formation of a personal identity — as the sense of "I" begins to perceive itself and compare itself to others. This is an evolutionarily normal process.

When jealousy is considered normal

Up to the age of 14–16, jealousy is part of natural development: the personality is growing, the brain is still maturing, and the sense of "I" is large and fragile. If jealousy gradually fades by the ages of 18–21, that falls within the normal range.

Where the line is drawn

If jealousy does not diminish after the ages of 16–17 but instead intensifies, that is already a warning sign. Dr. Saulitis describes this kind of jealousy as a delusional phenomenon: initially taking the form of a depressive-paranoid neurosis (some logic is still preserved, the person retains some critical awareness of their own thoughts), and later escalating into a depressive-paranoid psychotic state (critical insight is lost, the delusion becomes fragmented, with no coherent reasoning or connection to reality).

What it looks like from the inside

At the core of pathological jealousy is the experience of one's own inadequacy and worthlessness. When the brain is fatigued, in a low mood, or affected by toxic substances, it generates intrusive mental images and an inner monologue: "you are not needed," "you will get nothing," "you will be betrayed." The person becomes fixated on the concept of "I," and any neutral fact is perceived as confirmation of a threat. The specific object of jealousy is largely irrelevant — the pathological pattern will find a target in any situation. Alcohol and an unhealthy lifestyle intensify these states.

It is important to understand: by definition, a delusion cannot be countered through rational argument — it is impossible to talk someone out of it with logic.

If you notice intensifying jealousy in yourself or someone close to you, this is a reason to seek professional help.