Difficulty Making Decisions: How Loved Ones Can Help Without Making Things Worse

Being close to someone who is stuck is exhausting. But that person isn't lazy or stubborn — they genuinely cannot figure out what to do next. Dr. Saulitis describes this state as complete bewilderment: the person is disoriented, overwhelmed, and simply doesn't understand what is happening around them. Loved ones see this and want to help — but wanting to help and knowing how are two very different things. And that's entirely normal, because even professionals find this difficult.

Why "Just talk to them" doesn't work

When the ability to make decisions is impaired, a person cannot act on advice — even perfectly reasonable advice. They hear the words, but cannot translate them into action. Pressuring, rushing, or deciding on their behalf only deepens the confusion rather than relieving it. Dr. Saulitis is clear: the person in this state is genuinely struggling, and that is not a choice or a whim.

What loved ones truly need to understand

First: you yourself may be in a worse state than the person you are trying to help. Dr. Saulitis points out that family members often need support just as much — sometimes more — than the patient. This is not weakness; it is a predictable consequence of living alongside someone who seems frozen in place. The chronic anxiety it produces wears people down.

Second: your role is not to replace a specialist, but to be part of a team. Support needs to be professionally structured — psychiatrist, psychotherapist, and coach working together — and you, as a loved one, are an important member of that team, but not a solitary one.

What helpful support actually looks like

• Don't make decisions for them — but help create conditions in which they can make decisions themselves.
• Take care of yourself: if you are depleted, you cannot help anyone. Seeking support for yourself is part of helping your loved one.
• Trust the process: when the person begins making even small decisions and following through on them, that is already progress. Don't interfere, don't redo their choices, don't voice doubts.
• Reach out to professionals together: professional guidance is not a sign that you have given up — it is a sign that you are taking the situation seriously.

The most important thing to remember

Dr. Saulitis describes recovery as a gradual return of clarity — where a person begins to see what needs to be done without agonising hesitation. But that path requires support, consistency, and a professional team. A loved one who has taken care of themselves and joined that team is the single most valuable thing they can offer.