Domestic Violence: Myths That Keep People from Seeing the Truth

Domestic violence is surrounded by persistent myths. These are among the main reasons why people fail to recognise what is happening to them — or stay in a destructive situation for years.

Myth 1: "It only happens because of stress" — violence is situational

A common explanation goes: "he snapped because of work pressure," "there's tension at home — that's why he flared up." But when a person cannot control their impulses, that shows up everywhere — not just at home. In a queue, at a shop, with a stranger, or alone with a phone that "won't cooperate." The reaction is the same across every situation. The home environment is not the cause — it is simply one of many settings where the same pattern becomes visible.

Myth 2: "The victim is to blame" — and they come to believe it themselves

One of the most dangerous mechanisms is when a person begins to violate themselves from within. Under the influence of an aggressor, an induced sense of guilt takes hold: "I should have done things differently," "I am not good enough," "I owe someone something." This is not genuine reflection or honest self-assessment — it is an implanted state that completely takes over a person's perception of reality. The more intelligent and sensitive the person, the deeper they get pulled in. Guilt that has been instilled from outside is not your guilt.

Myth 3: "People close to us cannot cause harm" — yet they are exactly the ones who do

Psychological pressure comes first and foremost from those closest to us: partners, parents, relatives. This does not make them "monsters" — but it does not remove accountability from the situation either. The pattern of "but they're family" often makes it hard to call what is happening by its real name. The first step is to stop violating yourself by accepting another person's behaviour as normal.

What matters most

Violence in a relationship is not an isolated "episode" or a "family argument." It is a pattern of behaviour that plays out consistently and predictably. Recognising it is already half the way out.