How to Support a Loved One Who Has No Energy Left — Not for the Child, Not for Themselves

From the outside it can look like a child is being neglected, a parent is checked out, and the distance between them keeps growing. But what often lies beneath is not indifference — it is complete depletion of the adult.

Look at the Adult First

Before assessing a child's or teenager's behaviour, the key question is: does the parent have any resources left at all? Dr Saulitis describes a typical picture: one adult carrying the entire financial and emotional load — leaving at six in the morning, returning at eight in the evening — with literally no physical capacity left for meaningful contact with their child. Two years without proper sleep, an inability to concentrate — this is not laziness or neglect.

If you want to help a family like this, start by asking the adult: how are you doing? — not by offering parenting advice.

What You Can Actually Do

Supporting someone who is exhausted means reducing their load, not adding to it. A few practical guidelines:

• Don't rush to conclusions about the child. Changes in a teenager's behaviour are often a consequence of having no present adult nearby — not an independent "character problem."
• Offer specific, bounded help. Not "call me if you need anything," but "I can pick him up from school on Wednesday" or "I can be around a couple of evenings."
• Physical closeness matters. The doctor is explicit: a hug is not a formality. When a person feels accepted and safe, the muscles relax and tension dissolves. This applies to children and adults alike. If you notice that physical warmth has disappeared from a household, take it as a signal of general exhaustion.
• Don't amplify guilt. A person already at their limit does not become a better parent through blame — they only withdraw further into isolation.

When Professional Help Is Needed

Dr Saulitis is direct: sometimes the right move is to "set the child aside for now and work on putting the adult's life back together first." This does not mean ignoring the child — it means recognising that without a restored adult, the whole system cannot function.

If you see that someone close to you has not slept properly in a long time, cannot concentrate, and flares up at the slightest noise — gently suggest they speak to a professional. Not as a criticism, but as care: "You haven't rested in a long time. It matters — talking to someone."