Self-Esteem: What It Is and How to Recognize It

Most people believe they need to work on their self-esteem — build it up or protect it. Dr. Saulitis invites us to pause and ask: what exactly are we evaluating in the first place?

What "Self-Esteem" Actually Is

Self-esteem is a judgment about oneself as a person: am I good or bad, enough or not enough? The trouble is that a person did not create themselves. Their genetics, their neuroplasticity, their entire inner make-up — all of it took shape without their deliberate participation. That means judging it as personal merit or personal fault simply doesn't hold up. Each person exists as a unique, one-of-a-kind individual — there is no valid basis for comparison.

How to Recognize the Evaluation Trap

A telling sign that you've fallen into the self-esteem trap is the constant habit of comparing yourself to others, swinging between "I'm good enough" and "I'm not." Dr. Saulitis warns that an entire culture has grown up around this — what he calls the "self-made cult" — built on the idea that you either made yourself or ruined yourself. This thinking is especially harmful during depression, when a person is already vulnerable and yet people around them try to "raise" or "fix" their self-esteem instead of addressing the underlying condition.

Measurement Instead of Evaluation

The alternative is not to evaluate, but to measure. Not "am I good or bad," but "does this suit me or not — does it give me energy or drain it?" Like a worker sorting potatoes who doesn't philosophize about each one's worth, but simply checks: small, medium, large. When attention is fully focused on the concrete action happening right now, there is simply no room left in consciousness for self-judgments.

The Core Principle

All people are fundamentally good. Some are a better fit for you, some less so, some not at all. This is not a verdict on them or on you — it is a measure of compatibility. Learning to notice the actual characteristics of situations and people, staying attentive and discerning — that is the practical alternative to endless self-esteem work.