Self-Esteem: First Steps from Judging to Measuring

Many people are driven half-mad by the topic of self-esteem: it gets "raised" or "lowered," especially when someone is depressed. The doctor offers a different first step — not to repair your self-esteem, but to step out of the rating game altogether. It begins with recognizing what he plainly calls nonsense, and refusing to play along.

Recognize the nonsense and don't fall for it

The first step is to notice that the whole construction of "what is my self-esteem" rests on comparison. But there is nothing to compare with: you exist in a single copy, as does each of us. You did not create yourself, and others did not create themselves — so no one has any natural right to judge who is "better."

"Recognize the nonsense and don't fall for it."

Leave the "cult of self-eaters"

The doctor suggests we stop leaping "into that guilt." Thoughts and judgments about yourself are just a volume of information loaded into you; you may use them or not use them. They are not the same as you in this moment. When asked about his own self-esteem, he honestly answers that he doesn't know who he is — and this is not weakness, but a refusal of false comparison.

"Learn not to evaluate — learn to recognize characteristics."

From evaluation to measurement

Instead of judging, the doctor offers measuring. All people are good; it's just that some things suit you better, some worse, and some don't suit you at all. This is not a verdict but a characteristic. The task is not to pass sentence on yourself, but to carefully select what is yours.

Concentration on a concrete small thing

To measure, you need attention. The doctor advises concentrating one hundred percent on the concrete action in this moment — on the small details. When attention is fully occupied by this, judgments simply have no room to enter consciousness. This is what people call "here and now."

"I don't evaluate, I measure — small things, concrete small things, the little details."

Practice: sorting the "potatoes"

The doctor uses the image of a vegetable depot, where potatoes are sorted not by judging but by measuring.

1. Take one concrete situation or detail right now — without sweeping verdicts of "what kind of person am I."
2. Don't ask "is this good or bad," but measure: how well does it suit you specifically.
3. Compare it with lived experience — what does it give you.
4. Ask yourself: does it give you strength and energy, or does it "send you" downward.
5. Concentrate fully on this small thing — so judgments have no room to enter.