Self-Esteem: Myths That Hold You Back

Many people genuinely believe that self-esteem is something to be worked on — raised, strengthened, defended. Dr. Andris Saulitis calls this the "self-made sect" and offers a fundamentally different perspective.

Myth 1: You Need to "Boost" Your Self-Esteem

One of the most common mistakes is trying to pump up self-esteem through exercises or affirmations, especially during depression or a difficult period. In the doctor's view, such attempts are not just unhelpful — they distract from the real issue. Self-esteem shifts along with one's inner state, not the other way around.

Myth 2: You Should Evaluate Yourself and Others

Another trap is the habit of evaluating — yourself, others, your actions. The doctor is clear: no one created themselves, and no one created anyone else. That makes the very idea of "evaluation" groundless. Instead of evaluation, he proposes measurement: does this person, this activity, this situation suit you? Not "am I good or bad," but "does this fit me or not."

Myth 3: You Can Know "Who You Are"

The doctor openly admits he doesn't know who he is himself — and considers that entirely normal. The thoughts and judgments about ourselves that are "loaded" into us by genetics and experience are not "us" in any complete sense. We can use them, or we can set them aside. A rigid self-concept is an illusion that creates unnecessary tension.

What Actually Works Instead

The doctor describes his own approach simply: full concentration on the specific action happening right now. When attention is completely absorbed by the present moment, there is no room left for evaluative thoughts. Not "I'm great" or "I'm a failure" — but "is this potato big, medium, or small": measuring concrete details, comparing them against experience, and concluding what fits you specifically.

"Recognise the nonsense and don't fall for it — you don't need that self-esteem business."

"I don't evaluate — I measure specifics, concrete little details, and see whether they suit me or not."