First Steps in Parenting: Where to Begin

When it comes to raising a child, parents often look for complicated methods, while the place to start is simple and clear. Dr. Saulitis describes several first steps that lay a healthy foundation in the earliest period of a child's life. These steps are less about words and more about how the parent lives and behaves.

Step one: sunlight, sleep and balance

The first thing the doctor highlights is the bodily basics. For northern countries it is especially important that a child receives enough sunlight. It is an "invaluable factor" for a growing organism. If possible, the doctor advises taking the child even in winter for a week or two somewhere sunny.

Balance, he says, "immediately gives calm and absorption" and has a positive effect on sleep. This is the base level, without which the other steps work less well.

Step two: personal example — the "copy-paste" principle

The doctor stresses: a child does not listen to what we say — the child watches us "like a camera" and copies everything. If we want to instil certain qualities in the child, we must begin by demonstrating them ourselves.

Importantly: you do not have to truly possess these qualities right now. When you enter into communication with the child, play the needed role — be energetic, joyful, give more physical contact. This way the child receives "real, living life" and grows up healthy, lively and happy.

Step three: watch the environment

The third step is attention to what the child absorbs from his surroundings. The doctor advises watching whom the child contacts: which close ones, relatives, friends are around him, and what they "feed into" him. This also includes the street, school, kindergarten, and the quality of content he sees on screens.

The outer environment and its stimuli "can at some point steal your child." So it is important to keep the child close and to watch the quality of what reaches him.

Step four: affirmative communication

The fourth principle is to always speak approvingly and affirmatively. If a child does or says something imperfectly, start with support: "it's very right that you said it this way, but it can be said even better." The same in any activity: "okay, super, well done, but it can be done even better."

This way the child learns and constantly receives energy, strength and the courage to keep trying. The key is for him to grasp that the more he tries, the better he gets — and then "no one will be able to stop him."

Step five: the pleasure principle

The last of the first steps is to teach the child that what is useful can also be enjoyable. Learning and working can be likeable; healthy food can be tasty; sport can bring pleasure. When the useful is linked to joy, it stops being coercion.

Practice

A first-steps checklist for a parent:

1. Sun and sleep. Ensure enough sunlight and a calm rhythm; if possible, a sunny trip even in winter.
2. Mirror. Ask yourself: which quality do I want to instil? — and demonstrate it yourself today in your interaction with the child.
3. Environment audit. List the people and content around the child and assess what they "feed into" him.
4. Affirmative phrase. Replace criticism with the formula "it's right that you did it this way, and it can be even better…".
5. "Useful = joyful" link. Pick one useful skill and present it so it feels pleasant to the child.