Domestic Violence: First Steps Toward a Safe Home

When home is unbearable, a person literally has nowhere to go. Dr. Saulitis puts it plainly: even an ant has its little home, yet a person sometimes ends up «wrapping a blanket over the head, squeezing into a corner.» This brochure is about the very first steps — not major therapy, but reclaiming at least a home where you are not being abused.

First — «de-fog» yourself

The main trap of violence is restlessness. «They rush and rush, don't know where or what, wear themselves out — and that's where the violence comes from.» As long as a person lives on the run and in a fog, they can't see the real picture and keep landing in the same situations again and again.

So the first step is to stop. The doctor picks up a word offered by one of the viewers:

«De-fogging — that's a good word. To de-fog yourself.»

To de-fog means to settle down, stop rushing, and ask yourself with a clear head: what do I want, where do I want to go, what are my eyes actually showing me.

Recognize not the surroundings, but yourself

The doctor insists: what you need to recognize is not the external, but yourself.

«What do you need to recognize? You need to recognize yourself. Yourself. That's what it's all about.»

When a person catches «the wave of reality, of life, and stays in it,» it «creates a normal picture with normal people.» A sober look at yourself and your situation, in itself, begins to change the people and circumstances around you.

The minimum goal: a home where you aren't abused

The doctor deliberately keeps the bar realistic. He doesn't promise a home «where you are awaited» — that, he says, is already «luxury.» The first goal is humbler and more important:

«First of all, you'll have a home. A home where at least you aren't being abused. That's a great deal.»

If, after recognizing yourself and reality, a person lives through and understands their state, this, he says, gives more than a 95% chance that there will be no violence at home.

Cramped and dark: the invisible violence of boundaries

The doctor stresses separately that violence at home isn't always blows. «In a dark, cramped apartment there's always inescapable violence — from the crowding, the darkness.» He puts violated personal boundaries in the same category: too much light, noise, clutter, smells, other people's habits, no chance to be alone, a toilet that won't even close properly.

People «don't realize that there are different kinds of impact»: some can't relax unless they feel safe. This too is part of the home environment worth addressing first.

Practice: first steps

1. Stop («de-fog»). Quit rushing. Ask yourself: what do I want and where do I want to go — with a clear head, not on the run.
2. Recognize yourself. Don't endlessly dig through the past; look at reality and your own state here and now.
3. Set the minimum goal — a home without violence. Not «where you're awaited,» but where at least you aren't abused. That's already a great deal.
4. Protect your boundaries in cramped quarters. If there's nowhere to go: headphones, eye covers, block things off with at least a nightstand, bring a minimum of order.
5. Find support if it's truly bad. A friend, a relative — and if there's no one, turn for help where help is given (a hospital, etc.). «If you're already here and writing — it means you have this.»